No matter We Did to Deserve The KFC Double Down Once more, We’re Sorry

Whatever We Did to Deserve The KFC Double Down Again, We're Sorry

I am not a non secular individual. I attempted. I actually did. I bought baptized once I was born, went to church, served as an altar boy, and my affirmation was each time I used to be on the age that folks of my former religion get confirmed. I bought the ashes on my brow each Wednesday after Mardi Gras. I needed to have religion however ultimately, it simply did not occur.

The KFC Double Down sandwich, a gastric curse consisting of two boneless slices of fried hen serving an unholy union as a substitute of bread, did not push me away from my faith. That occurred lengthy earlier than the cooks in KFC’s take a look at kitchen both gave up on life and hope or let a joke memo go approach too far down the approval line.

It is the alternative. The KFC Double Down may carry me again to faith, as a result of it is a good signal that there is a god of some kind and he actually does not like us. I am speaking like god is Joan Crawford and we’re all Bette Davis.

Luckily, the Double Down went away and the universe made sense once more. However now a decade later, it is again on KFC menus and my ethical disaster is again with it. The disaster has nothing to do with the sandwich itself. It is an abomination that performs on the worst tendencies and instincts in relation to mass-produced meals. It acts on all of our worst instincts about quick meals besides the one which it is low cost.

The Double Down is one among many quick meals dishes designed by KFC to seize the web’s consideration as a result of it appears to be like like one thing a Saturday Evening Dwell graphic designer would Photoshop so somebody could make a joke concerning the nation’s newest weight problems charges throughout Weekend Replace.

It began with KFC’s Well-known Bowls, which are actually only a big pile of hen and facet objects combined collectively in a single bowl that comic Patton Oswalt mentioned he thought “was a Tim and Eric bit” earlier than turning it into one among his funniest stand-up units. That led to a string of weird meals creations that ended with the Double Down, a “sandwich” constructed from low cost bacon, sliced cheese and two deep-fried hen breasts rather than the bread.

The scent popping out of the foil-lined bag is simply oil and vinegar, and one thing tells me these are two of the chain’s famed 11 herbs and spices. It isn’t appetizing or welcoming. Do not depart one among these unopened in your automobile for any stretch of time or it will scent like 11 herbs and funk for a very long time.

Fortunately, the Double Down is served heat, and never the form of heat that feels prefer it’s been sitting underneath a lamp for god is aware of how lengthy. Sadly, it is not heat sufficient to soften the Swiss cheese slices that clearly had been placed on simply because it was ordered. No less than it could’ve given the entire thing a texture moreover damp, flavorless hen.

Then the entire thing is capped up with the most cost effective, flimsiest slices of bacon you may ever see. It is flat, mushy and flavorless. The strips seem like they had been run by means of the greenback invoice terminal of a merchandising machine.

That is three substances that do not work on their very own, so there is no probability they work collectively. They certain as hell do not. The entire thing is so overprocessed and made for velocity with out a lot thought for style.

The ultimate insult is the value. The Double Down, simply as a sandwich, prices nearly $9. For 2 bucks extra, you might eat an honest sandwich that makes you are feeling happy with brisker substances as a substitute of simply full bordering on sick nearly wherever else with a drive-thru window. That is insulting for a dish that appears prefer it was made by a stoner at 2 within the morning when all of the grocery shops are closed. 

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